Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
