I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
