I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
