Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
