I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Help. Why am I so naked?
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