Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
