Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
And then he peed in my hair
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