M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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