I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
