I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
