I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
