As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
