how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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