dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
