I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
