I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
