I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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