and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
