It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
