i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
