you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
