I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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