I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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