oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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