i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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