I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
