you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
