My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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