it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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