well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
