there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
