Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
