saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
