sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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