we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
