"it" just moved
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
