You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
