Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You ruined the universe
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
