Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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