I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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