I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Randomize
