I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
