I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
