i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
