you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
