last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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