A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
