Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
