Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
