take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
