I could have mohawked her pubes.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
